Living and Loving Yourself Now and Not Only When You Reach Your Thin Dream!

With the media pushing the thin image in our society are we putting our lives on hold until we reach that thin criteria? Do you put off living until you fit into a certain size or hit a number on the scale?

This is something that I have been considering a lot lately. Why I felt that being fat means waiting to live. Am I missing out on different aspects of my life because I believe that I need to lose weight before I can participate? I know with family vacations planned this Summer, bathing suits are in my near future. I find myself thinking that I need to be a certain size to enjoy this vacation and wear that perfect bathing suit. I mean how absurd is that when you really look at such a statement? Unfortunately, I find that I do this with every big event. The push to be a certain size by the time the event arrives seems to go hand in hand with the planning concept with me. I have been having this moment of self reflection in an effort to understand why I did the Kimkins diet and why did I fall for the false marketing of kimmer and affiliates. The marketing was like the siren call for many who want to find the way to reach their thin dreams and fast. I also have been considering why I continue to have the- diet mindset -instead of a -way of life change- mindset. Then the big reason I need to consider the appeal of the thin dream is the fact that I have a 7 year old daughter that is a mirror of me and I don’t want her to reflect this back in years to come.

I stumbled upon the words from a fellow blogger while considering the reason that my mind chants not until I am thin, instead of now- just as I am! The blogger from the shapely prose did a post on the Fantasy of Being Thin

Because, you see, the Fantasy of Being Thin is not just about becoming small enough to be perceived as more acceptable. It is about becoming an entirely different person – one with far more courage, confidence, and luck than the fat you has. It’s not just, “When I’m thin, I’ll look good in a bathing suit”; it’s “When I’m thin, I will be the kind of person who struts down the beach in a bikini, making men weep.” See also:

  • When I’m thin, I’ll have no trouble finding a partner/reinvigorating my marriage.
  • When I’m thin, I’ll have the job I’ve always wanted.
  • When I’m thin, I won’t be depressed anymore.
  • When I’m thin, I’ll be an adventurous world traveler instead of being freaked out by any country where I don’t speak the language and/or the plumbing is questionable.
  • When I’m thin, I’ll become really outdoorsy.
  • When I’m thin, I’ll be more extroverted and charismatic, and thus have more friends than I know what to do with.

Et cetera, et cetera. Those are examples from my personal Fantasy of Being Thin

She the goes on to say why letting go of those thin fantasies may be difficult.

Overcoming The Fantasy of Being Thin might be the hardest part of making it all the way into fat acceptance-land. And that might just be why I’d pushed that part of the process out of my memory: it fucking sucked. Because I didn’t just have to accept the size of my thighs; I had to accept who I am, rather than continuing to wait until I magically became the person I’d always imagined being. Ouch.That is, of course, a pretty normal part of getting older. You start to realize that yeah, this actually is it, and although you can still try enough new things to keep anyone busy for two lifetimes, you’re pretty much stuck with a basic context. There are skills, experiences, and material things you will almost certainly never have, period. It’s a challenge for all of us to understand that accepting this fact of life does not necessarily mean cutting off options or giving up dreams, but simply — as in the proverbial story about the creation of the David — chipping away all that is not you. But for a fat person, it can be even harder, because so many fucking sources encourage us to believe that inside every one of us is “a thin person waiting to get out” — and that thin person is SO MUCH COOLER.


I have thought before that maybe I use the- not until I am thin, as an excuse to not fail at something or even a way to associate failure as not with them but with being fat, so I totally get what the blogger from the Shapely Prose was coming from in her thin fantasy. I agree that fat acceptance, for those that are fat, means also letting go of the idea that life is going to be so much better when they are thin. Yes, there will be improvement in some aspects of a person’s life but you will still have stress, your kids will still ignore your pleas to pick-up after themselves, the laundry will still pile up, your hair will still have a mind of its own, you will not be better at remembering jokes or names, traffic will still suck, and you will still have failures….So maybe you are as cool as you will ever be. Like the movie- Maybe this is as good as it gets! With that in mind- my focus is not only going to be eating healthy but living and loving myself now- just as I am- not as I hope to be. I can only hope that is what I see reflected back when my daughter mirrors me.

To find out more about the kimkins scam and how the kimkins diet is dangerous read the overview by Laura Dolson at about.com entitled –The Kimkins Diet Controversy .My blogroll also contains some wonderful blogs that cover the Kimkins scam and the pending class action lawsuit. If you want to learn what you can do to help then take a look at the weed pulling of articles that the blogger of Say “No” to Kimkins suggests in “Help Us Pull The Weeds”.

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Has Kimkins Caused You Harm?

If you purchased a membership in kimkins.com please take a moment to read the following:
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Harmed By Kimkins? Share Your Story on National TV

Have you experienced medical problems due to Kimkins?

Do you have any medically documented health issues related to the
Kimkins Diet?

Do you have some free time this weekend for an exciting opportunity to appear from the comfort of your home, on national television, in a prime time spotlight?

If you have suffered any of the following doctor verified medical conditions:

• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Muscle fatigue or weakness
• Heartbeat palpitations
• Moderate to severe hair loss
• Bone and joint pain
• Mental changes – irritability, forgetfulness, confusion
• Bowel complications/symptoms of laxative abuse

as a result of your experience with the Kimkins Diet, and would like this exciting opportunity to share your experiences with the public, please contact KimkinsonABC@gmail.com within the next 48 hours.

No travel will be required, an ABC crew will come to you to discuss your experience.

If you know of anyone who fits the above-mentioned medical criteria, please share this contact information with them for this important opportunity.

Update- ABC taped a show exposing the  fraudulent acts of Kimkins.com as well as the unsafe calorie level of the Kimkins diet, which uses 500 calories a day as a way to offer fast weight loss. Kimmer often compared this calorie level to that seen in gastric bypass surgery patients.

The taped show was first picked up and shown on the ABC show- Good Morning America. Check out the show posted on the GMA website here- Kimkins video.

Christin did a great job in her account of her Kimkins journey and I am glad that she was willing to offer her story to ABC.  The story could still be picked up by other ABC shows and the I would love to see 20/20 do a big segment based on the story.

After viewing the story you may also find the follow up article of interest and want to leave a comment.
ABC News: Online Diet Comes Under Scrutiny

“Kimkins Miracles Do Happen”- Reads The Affiliate Marketing Article for Kimkins.com

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Yesterday evening, while leaving comments at the various links that wildangel had posted, an affiliate “article” turned up. The article starts with the following-

“To those entire figure-concerned people who are frowning at the sight of their bulky abs and stomach- have you heard about Ms. Kimmer and her achievements? If you haven’t then, here is the surprise for you, she was the one who was able to lose more than 198 lbs in a single year, and she’s the one who actually shared her experience of her very own custom made diet which proved so amazingly successful- she is the founder of the Kimkins Low Carb Diet!”

The article was utilizing the same fraudulent claims that roped in the previous members of kimkins. But what really caught my eye was the title- “Kimkins Miracles Do Happen.” My first thought was sure, The Real Miracle is the Fact That No One Has Died From The Kimkins Diet?….Yet!
This is a concern that many of those aware of the Kimkins diet have been expressing- “It is a wonder no one has died from that diet”. It has been said in various ways but with the same tone of trepidation. We see the dangers of Kimkins, we read the posts of those doing the diet, we read the studies on the risks of a vLCD (very low calorie diet) and we pray that someone doesn’t die, before others are contemplating that these concerns could very well become a reality.

We need the various agencies to take note of the harm that Heidi Diaz’s advice can cause. Here are some of the posts where Kimmer/Heidi Diaz recommends daily stimulant laxative use. Note that many times it is not due to a member being constipated but expressing concerns over not losing weight.

A member asks:
Hi Kimmer,
I’ve been taking milk thistle for about 9 days and still not helping with making things move
I have 1000mg capsules and take once a day, should I take another later in the day?
I used a ex-lax type pill once and never again thank you…
If this doesn’t get me going I’m thinking of starting the MOM route…[…]…

Kimmer Responds:
If anybody is doing MoM, it needs to be a daily thing since Kimkins is low in fiber. If you take MoM and get “action”, then stop taking MoM, everything will begin backing up again and the scale will show a fake gain.
Are we going to be laxative addicts? No. Once you’re close to goal and begin adding back good higher fiber carbs (not Twinkies!), things will move on their own. Or maybe not? The market is chock full of laxatives and not everyone who’s buying them is doing low carb so there must be a serious constipation problem out there!
A reminder for dosage is take the maximum dose the first (and maybe second) night, then a 25% or 50% dose every night thereafter. It’s meant as a gentle reminder.

****************

A member asks:….[…]..I have read the other forum posts including the longish one by the moderator talking about the different kinds of laxatives, but I still dont really have a “plan” and need one.
Any help would be very much appreciated!

Kimmer responds:
Psyllium works by bulking and absorbs water. You might even see a temporary weight gain if it’s working as a “plug”.

I’d look into a stimulant laxative like epsom salts (blech!), Senakot or senna tea. Once you begin using a laxative you need to keep it up — otherwise you’re emptying the bowels and it will refill.
Kimkins is low in fiber (but in all fairness, the way most people eat isn’t anywhere near 30 grams of fiber a day anyway) so I suggest a 25-50% laxative dose every day to keep everything moving. I also take 4 milk thistle capsules (2 am, 2 pm) which has a natural laxative effect (but doesn’t produce instant results) and helps the liver.

*******************

A member asks:
is it necessary to be on something like MOM or should ou wait until there is a problem??

Kimmer responds:
XXXX, you know your body best. Kimkins or Kimmer Experiment have very little fiber and some people have potty problems. The MoM (or epsom salts) help. I’m not a fan of laxatives, but I think it’s more dangerous to have waste building up inside.
If you need “something” I recommend taking a regular dose for 2 days, then a 25% or 50% dose every day after that as a gentle helper

****************

A member asks: Today is Day 6 of Kimkins for me. I’ve been very dedicated and haven’t had any cheats. However, this morning the scale was up .6 lbs. Anyone have any idea why that might be? …[…]..

Kimmer Responds:
First, remember that everything weighs something before it’s eliminated. (potty)
Second, check whether you need potty help since our fiber is low.

Third, if you’re using any bulking/fiber laxatives that will slow you down.
Fourth, be sure of your calorie/carb counts, sauces, cuts of meat, skip DaVinci.

*************

A Member Asks:I woke up feeling bloated and yucky so I decided to do a fast for 3 days. I have done them before and love the feeling and of course, the results. When I finish my fast do you think I should move to the KE or go directly to Kimkins?[….]…
Kimmer Responds:
Honestly, I think I’d go with Kimkins and break your fast with small “veggie” servings, every 2-3 hours.
If your calories are still low (and veggies naturally are), there’s no “gain” … other than food waiting around to be processed (ewww!)
When I break, I start with maybe .5 cup of lightly steamed veggies (cabbage, snow peas, sprouts) and maybe a steamy bowl of chicken veggie soup for dinner. A mild laxative might be something to keep in mind, just to keep things moving

************
A Member asks:
Ok.. so I’m on day 4 of a water/diet soda fast and I get on the scale this morning, and I have GAINED a pound!!…[…]… I think possibly sleep deprivation might have something to do with it as well. I’ve been working alot of OT recently and I’ve been getting to bed at about 1:30am and then getting up at 5 am. I have not taken MOM for that reason…it would keep me up all night! I’m not going to give up yet, though..I’m going to take MOM tonight when I get home, and then once that’s over with, get a good night’s sleep. Any thoughts or opinions would be welcome though, because let me tell you, fasting for 4 days with no results is definately no fun.

Kimmer Responds:
XXXX, how’s “Potty” going? It’s impossible to be at 0 calories and not lose.

Sounds like a huge backup — or did you carb up before the fast? It’s a natural response to being deprived of food, but your body still has to process those carbs & deplete your liver.

Kimmer Responds again:

XXXX, if you (or anybody) takes MoM or other laxative, it has to be a daily dose.

If you take it once, clean everything out, the empty area will simply begin refilling again. All very low carb diets are low in fiber and the bowels slow down.

As you read the dangerous advice given by Kimmer, remember that this is just a small fraction of the recommended laxative abuse that can be found on the site. It is just a small glimpse of the disregard, that Kimmer shows for the potential health risks in her doling out advice.

This issue goes beyond the parameters of consumers who have been scammed. Yes, the members of Kimkins we scammed by Kimmer’s fraudulent marketing and I was one of the ones who fell for it too. But the effort of stopping Kimkins.com is not about reimbursement of the $60.00 that members paid for their Kimkins membership. The ultimate goal is to get federal agencies involved in order to stop kimkins.com. The ones fighting the fight are also using their voices to give notice to the potential victims, who may be anyone’s -Mother, sister, daughter, father, brother or son- that this is a dangerous route to take when trying to lose weight.

In fact- It is a Kimkins Miracle That No One Has Died From The Kimkins Diet?….Yet

If you bought a membership to Kimkins.com then please sign up for the Kimkins Lawsuit because we want Kimmer to answer to her actions!

image from- miracle stories
HoneyBee’s Blog
I Am Not Ready To Make Nice with Kimkins

Tippy Toe Tries to Justify the Kimkins’ Plan

Well even though TT’s first blog was short lived, she apparently was reading other blogs and forums. The following was from her “new”, albeit not improved, blog. Tippy appears to not fully understand that while she may view her previous behavior as, something that is easily explained away, she has not addressed the reason she chose to get intertwined with Kimkins.com or the Kimkins Diet once the fraud had already been brought to light.

To see a breakdown of the Kimkins Diet view this recent blog post 2big4mysizeblog

The blogger looks at a daily menu planned on the basic outline of the Kimkins Diet and asks Tippy to comment on how she can classify the Kimkins Diet as safe.

Below is Tippy’s her current blog- *Caution* If you are allergic to BS the following may cause you to experience a severe reaction upon reading:

December 9, 2007

I did delete the last post as I was afraid some would be offended. That is certainly the last thing I want to do.

Pooticus, the recipe I gave you will not really make you fat. It is in LCF recipe room–peanut butter cups. I apologize for making fun of you. I was upset over you and Cutie arguing over fats. So I gave you a high fat recipe and did laugh. I am very sorry. But in truth, I have made this recipe several times and once ate 11 muffin sized in 3 days and did not gain weight. But over eating them did not let me lose any weight either. I hope you can find it in your heart to accept my apology. It was wrong of me to poke fun at you and I am truly sorry.

For the rest reading this I just wanted to make one thing clear. I do not believe the Kimkins diet is harmful if medically supervised and with proper supplements and calories over 800 (more is better). I am sorry if this is offensive but I just cannot lie about it. I have lost over 68 lbs on Kimkins in cycle rounds. What is wrong with Kimkins, in my opinion, is pushing the plan behind the plan, cutting calories lower and lower… This I do believe is extremely dangerous and I would never advise such.

My problem with Kimkins is not the diet. It is the founder, the starvation advice I now know that was previously given by her and the dishonesty that followed. I have a problem that she is accepting money from new members knowing her site is (in her words) unstable. I feel bad for existing members who may soon find themselves with no home base or support.

I do apologize to Christin and Deni. I am very sorry I accused you both of setting poor examples as moderators. I now understand you were following the advice and orders from a woman you thought was 118lbs and on maintenance for 5 years. Please forgive me.

As far as scrubbing the site I have no idea what people really mean by that. Yes I did remove offensive posts but I have never removed anything prior to my time as a subcontractor there. Yes, I was a subcontractor and do expect a 1099 for taxes. If I do not receive a 1099 I will file taxes based upon my earnings anyways. I am no longer affiliated with Kimkins in any way, nor am I affiliated with Heidi Diaz and never will be. Never.

I ask that you try to have patience for Kimkins members. This is not going to be easy for them should the site close. Many have experienced much success using the plan and will want to continue to use the plan. Please don’t make them feel ashamed for that. Instead, if they show up at your site, please encourage them to stay safe and be reasonable with the diet. But don’t make them feel they have leprosy because of their dieting preference.

Kimkins Diet
HoneyBee’s Blog
I Am Not Ready To Make Nice with Kimkins

Tippy Toe’s Blog has a Short Shelf Life!

For those of you who have been following the Kimkins Diet
saga you are familiar with Jeannie Baitinger, a.k.a. Tippy Toes, who was PR director at Kimkins until recently.
It seems that once the assets of Hedi Diaz were frozen, pending legal proceedings, that Tippy Toes suddenly was rethinking her position there at Kimkins.

Now, had TT’s heartstrings started to get a tug due to the role she was playing in promoting a fraud? My guess is that it is her purse strings that felt the tug, not her heart strings.
Remember, it was less than 3 weeks ago that she was on a national morning show on fox, called the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, were she was supporting Kimkins.

Not only did she support Kimkins but she actually scolded Christin along with Deni for their previous dealings with Kimkins. So while Tippy has been fast to recognize any part that others played in helping Kimkins succeed, she has yet to recognize her own responsibility.

Here was her short lived Blog that was posted briefly and then removed. No comment as to why, but I suspect it was over the negative reception it was getting on the board at LCF.

“Friday, December 7, 2007

TippyToes Blog

So here I am. I have much to say. This cannot be done in one day. Although I won’t leave this blog up forever I will leave it running long enough to hopefully clarify some issues.

Who am I? I am Jeannie Baitinger. I am a person who has battled my weight for my entire life. And it was this very battle that, although won, came with a hefty price of reputation. And I will explain this as best I can.

I found LCF in 2004. My weight was 263lbs on a 5′ 7″ frame. My health was failing, I had to go on blood pressure and cholesterol meds and in general felt tired, washed out and ill most days. My husband also needed to lose 50lbs and he too was in poor health. He was diagnosed with diabetes and a host of other issues followed. I knew we both had to do something, but what? I found LCF and saw the success pictures and I was most impressed! I started hanging out in chat and I gave the Atkins diet a try. I cooked Atkins friendly foods for both of us and the magic of Atkins began to work! We lost some weight and ate like kings and queens. We were most impressed and very satisfied.

I began to make chat friends and eventually branched out into the boards. I liked so many people and I thought it was so neat to make friends from all over the place–even making one great and long term friendship with a girl from England and we are very close to this day.

A year went by and suddenly the magic of Atkins stopped working for my husband and myself. It wasn’t so bad for him. He had dropped 40lbs and was not only off his diabetes meds but declared “cured” by his Doctor. But I was still over 200lbs.

I was told stalls are normal, be patient. 6 long months passed with a gain and loss of the same 5 lbs only, over and over. I recall a moment I broke down and cried, thinking this was the best it would ever be. And I was still considered the horrid word, OBESE. I felt trapped in my own body. I tried adding carbs, cutting carbs, moving up the carb ladder but the result was always the same for me.

A dear friend from LCF (and who I love so much today) told me about a plan called Kimkins. I gave it a try and PRESTO, I started to lose weight again right away! Kimkins gave me hope and a renewed sense of desire to make it happen–to finally be a normal person. However, I found Kimkins to be rather difficult to follow for long. When the weight loss paused I would return to my Atkins ways and maintain the loss. When I felt ready to go back to Kimkins diet, I would and while repeating this cycle I found success.

But doing Kimkins diet came with a price from the LCF members. I was constantly told I was ruining my metabolism. I was told over and over the diet was unhealthy. I did not believe I was hurting myself. I followed the plan as written (original Kimkins and K/E) and never starved at all. I kept my calorie levels reasonable. The difference was cutting out as much fats as possible. True it cut calories back in the process but the results were outstanding. But again, I was met with many well meaning people who constantly lectured me for doing this diet. Meanwhile I was actually getting healthier according to my Doctor who took me off all my meds with success. So who was I to listen to? I knew what was working for me. And I was never shy about sharing this with others, especially those stalled who were ready to give up.

Perhaps it was the sharing that caused me the most trouble in the long run. I joined Banta Babes because they are a group who are opened to any kind of plans. I was so thrilled with what I was learning and I shared with them. Kimmer opened her site and many of us joined at $14.95, and I considered that a small price to pay for such a fantastic plan. We continued to post at LCF as well. One post I read was from Michele. She seemed really happy for those of us losing so well on Kimkins but she said she had tried Kimkins and it never worked for her. I was rather surprised to read that as she was the first person ever to say it didn’t work. So I posted, telling her that a few of us were doing well with it and would she like to try it again? Big mistake for me. Michele was offended, thinking my post somehow implied she didn’t know HOW to do Kimkins. That was never my meaning and I stand firmly by that today. I was only trying to help. I sent her several PM’s offering explanation as well as apology for the misunderstanding. Another member also made a comment who thought my post implied the same as Michele’s assumption. I PM’d Michele and told her I would not post in Banta any further. Her responses were pretty good, or so I thought. Meanwhile many Banta members sent me PM’s saying they didn’t understand where the rage was coming from either. I could name them all but because I am banned from LCF now I cannot prove it. I have no more PM’s to retrieve as proof.

Magicsmom, who was also following Kimkins and Mariasol met me at Kimkins chat shortly afterwards. Mariasol didn’t have much to say one way or the other but Magicsmom had plenty to say. She said she thought I meant the post to mean the same as Michele’s interpretation. I did my best to explain this was simply not true. As the author of the post, who knew better how it was meant than myself? But it was clear I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was humiliated for my mistake and confused too. Now, if you think I am not telling the truth, the offending post is still at LCF in Banta Babes to this day. I hope you will read the thread for yourselves before you base your opinion.

There was a thread I helped start called The All I Want For Christmas Crew. Later it became Support Unlimited. I returned to it. Melly’s first post following mine made a reference to cockroaches running when the lights came on… I knew it was meant for me. Melly and I have not always seen eye to eye. We tried to be friends at one time and started calling each other almost daily. But I was getting turned off by Melly for the simple reason I do not enjoy participating in gossip. I was hearing a lot of “she did this and she did that” about another admin who I liked a lot. I just couldn’t take it so I cut off contact with Melly. I returned to the thread anyways because there were lots of my old friends still there. And I had missed them. Melly and I learned to be civil to each other but we never became close again. I did not want to.

There were a few there who were hot and heavy to lecture me for my Kimkins cycle ways. And yet, I saw so many of them unable to lose anymore themselves. I didn’t understand this. I still don’t. I became pretty fed up with the constant lectures for my diet choices. I knew I wasn’t starving myself and I wasn’t. It seemed like more drama than well meaning. No one wants to be lectured…

I spent some time at Kimkins but saw that cycling with Atkins wasn’t very friendly there either. There it was Kimkins or nothing for many. Oddly, Kimmer always said Kimkins made a fine springboard for other plans but some were just die hard Kimkins only fans. So when I would cycle to Atkins for a maintenance break I would return to LCF.

I did eventually find some Kimkins friendly threads at LCF. I taught them how to cycle. I was afraid of people getting stuck on too low of calories and not being able to maintain. To this day I don’t know if that is true or not but I heard it so often I didn’t want to chance it. I did tell people not to stay on Kimkins long for this fear. Not because I thought the Kimkins diet was dangerous.

Later I will go into details of the recipe I gave to pooticus to supposedly make her fat. And I will go into details about my husband’s colon check up and why. And I will try to answer more. I will also address the two months I subcontracted at Kimkins.

But for today I have a question for banned KK members. Why do you all think I was the only person who could ban a member? I keep insisting I only banned a small few and yet people seem to imply they have proof otherwise. I would very much like to see this proof. This is an issue I am very confused about. Every single admin there can ban without asking Kimmer. Kimmer herself can ban. Why me?”

The “why me?” question was purely rhetorical, since the blog was closed to comments…..
Then faster than you can say SNATT- they blog was deleted. It seems that Tippy Toe’s blog has a shorter shelf life than-low carb bread on a hot, humid, southern, summer afternoon.

Kimkins Diet
HoneyBee’s Blog
I Am Not Ready To Make Nice with Kimkins

-When Our Nightmares Become Our Reality-

Kimkins the “Stuff Nightmares Are Made Out Of!”  

I believe that our dreams at night can be have value if we view them as our unconscious mind attempting to provide another perspective to what our conscious mind perceives.I have been immersed in the recent Kimkins debacle because I once followed the diet plan and oh what a good student I was in following it perfectly! I will add that story at a later time but now I want to share a recent dream or actually a nightmare that I had recently. This is exactly what I dreamed and the textures, color and details are ingrained in my mind forever.

As my nightmare begins I note the setting in which it is taking place. It appears to be a college campus area where all the dorm buildings are forming this type of courtyard made of brick.

The environment is one of detachment with all its concrete and brick. No real sunlight can be seen and the tall building structures are forming these huge ominous shadows on the courtyard that seem to be these tall guards watching over us.Not to protect us but to keep us there.The entire setting reminds me of viewing postwar images but yet there is no obvious damage to the buildings it is more the eeriness that is present.

In my dream I am attempting to take all this in from a doorway in which I am leaning while I struggle to wake up. I am trying to comprehend where I am and what is happening but my mind is having trouble with fitting the pieces together.I shake my head in an effort to tidy my thoughts, but I find that my thoughts are hazy as if they are buried beneath many blankets or underwater.

Then these glimpses of why I am in this place start to appear as if I am viewing a slide show of one’s most recent vacation.However, these are not the flashing faces of those on vacation they are slides of Kimmer/Heidi Diaz and laboratories. The word testing comes up often and this sterile type of environment keeps flashing up on the screen.

It seems that I have been in a drug induced state for some time now according to the slide show and that a person by the name of Heidi Diaz is controlling the study.  Those participating in the study are put into this zombie like state while the tests are being performed.

The slide show stops and I realize that I have by some means awoken out of this drug induced state but still feel quite groggy. My legs feel weak and rubbery, thus making it difficult to stand without support.

I stumble out of my “dorm” room and look around. Everything appears to be gray, white with splashes of navy blue. I note the colors, because I can see that several people are wearing Duke University sweatshirts…I am not sure what this has to do with anything but it was a detail in my dream….

There are about 200 plus people comprised of ashen faced woman wandering around in this courtyard and there is this mumbling of sound but not anything truly understandable. They appear to be talking to themselves but not to each other. Their heads are down and their shoulders are hunched over so making eye contact is difficult.

I notice their hair, so my hand goes up to the side of my head and I can feel that my hair over my left side has been shaved really close.  This gives us all this odd asymmetrical 80’s type hair cut. My first thought is wow this is like a Flock of Seagulls or a Duran Duran video…

Then I wonder “Why do we all have this haircut” and as if reading my thoughts the slide show starts again and shows us having a portion of our heads shaved while lying on an examining table.  The image shows my hair lying all over the laboratory floor as the clippers buzz in the background. The appearance of those performing the procedure is hidden due to the clothing of sterile gowns, latex gloves and surgical masks.

I am lying there on that table without resisting, flitching or even batting an eye. My eyes are glazed over and I appear unaware to the entire process.  The lab assistants then use the shaved scalp area to perform a portion of the testing. The slide screen goes blank and the horror of what is happening seems to shock my body into action.

My mind is slowly getting clearer and I am frantic to get out, but also at the same time I am frantic to find Heidi Diaz. I am pushing the other women to the side, but at the same time clawing at their clothes. They just look at me without seeing me at all. I find my voice and start yelling, “Where is Heidi Diaz?!?!”…..”Heidi Diaz!” I scream as I run through the people just wandering the courtyard in a zombie state.

They are just looking at me with their odd hair cuts and baggy grey clothes. Their eyes aren’t focusing and I want to shake them as I say, “Does anyone know where Heidi Diaz is right now?” I feel obligated to see this person who is doing this testing and compelled to understand why she is doing this.

Then I hear a voice but I can’t see who it is coming from but it sounds clear and doesn’t seem like it would belong to the semi-conscious people that I see before me. But the words spoken are, “We don’t know where she is because we don’t even know who she is!”

The voice oddly enough sounds like my own.

Then I wake up.

Information on the Kimkins Diet Plan-No Membership Required

Are you looking for Kimmer or the Kimkins diet plan? Well you need to know the dangers of “The Plan Behind The Plan” first, so read some of the following: