-When Our Nightmares Become Our Reality-

Kimkins the “Stuff Nightmares Are Made Out Of!”  

I believe that our dreams at night can be have value if we view them as our unconscious mind attempting to provide another perspective to what our conscious mind perceives.I have been immersed in the recent Kimkins debacle because I once followed the diet plan and oh what a good student I was in following it perfectly! I will add that story at a later time but now I want to share a recent dream or actually a nightmare that I had recently. This is exactly what I dreamed and the textures, color and details are ingrained in my mind forever.

As my nightmare begins I note the setting in which it is taking place. It appears to be a college campus area where all the dorm buildings are forming this type of courtyard made of brick.

The environment is one of detachment with all its concrete and brick. No real sunlight can be seen and the tall building structures are forming these huge ominous shadows on the courtyard that seem to be these tall guards watching over us.Not to protect us but to keep us there.The entire setting reminds me of viewing postwar images but yet there is no obvious damage to the buildings it is more the eeriness that is present.

In my dream I am attempting to take all this in from a doorway in which I am leaning while I struggle to wake up. I am trying to comprehend where I am and what is happening but my mind is having trouble with fitting the pieces together.I shake my head in an effort to tidy my thoughts, but I find that my thoughts are hazy as if they are buried beneath many blankets or underwater.

Then these glimpses of why I am in this place start to appear as if I am viewing a slide show of one’s most recent vacation.However, these are not the flashing faces of those on vacation they are slides of Kimmer/Heidi Diaz and laboratories. The word testing comes up often and this sterile type of environment keeps flashing up on the screen.

It seems that I have been in a drug induced state for some time now according to the slide show and that a person by the name of Heidi Diaz is controlling the study.  Those participating in the study are put into this zombie like state while the tests are being performed.

The slide show stops and I realize that I have by some means awoken out of this drug induced state but still feel quite groggy. My legs feel weak and rubbery, thus making it difficult to stand without support.

I stumble out of my “dorm” room and look around. Everything appears to be gray, white with splashes of navy blue. I note the colors, because I can see that several people are wearing Duke University sweatshirts…I am not sure what this has to do with anything but it was a detail in my dream….

There are about 200 plus people comprised of ashen faced woman wandering around in this courtyard and there is this mumbling of sound but not anything truly understandable. They appear to be talking to themselves but not to each other. Their heads are down and their shoulders are hunched over so making eye contact is difficult.

I notice their hair, so my hand goes up to the side of my head and I can feel that my hair over my left side has been shaved really close.  This gives us all this odd asymmetrical 80’s type hair cut. My first thought is wow this is like a Flock of Seagulls or a Duran Duran video…

Then I wonder “Why do we all have this haircut” and as if reading my thoughts the slide show starts again and shows us having a portion of our heads shaved while lying on an examining table.  The image shows my hair lying all over the laboratory floor as the clippers buzz in the background. The appearance of those performing the procedure is hidden due to the clothing of sterile gowns, latex gloves and surgical masks.

I am lying there on that table without resisting, flitching or even batting an eye. My eyes are glazed over and I appear unaware to the entire process.  The lab assistants then use the shaved scalp area to perform a portion of the testing. The slide screen goes blank and the horror of what is happening seems to shock my body into action.

My mind is slowly getting clearer and I am frantic to get out, but also at the same time I am frantic to find Heidi Diaz. I am pushing the other women to the side, but at the same time clawing at their clothes. They just look at me without seeing me at all. I find my voice and start yelling, “Where is Heidi Diaz?!?!”…..”Heidi Diaz!” I scream as I run through the people just wandering the courtyard in a zombie state.

They are just looking at me with their odd hair cuts and baggy grey clothes. Their eyes aren’t focusing and I want to shake them as I say, “Does anyone know where Heidi Diaz is right now?” I feel obligated to see this person who is doing this testing and compelled to understand why she is doing this.

Then I hear a voice but I can’t see who it is coming from but it sounds clear and doesn’t seem like it would belong to the semi-conscious people that I see before me. But the words spoken are, “We don’t know where she is because we don’t even know who she is!”

The voice oddly enough sounds like my own.

Then I wake up.